It all started just about two months ago. I had just arrived home from a four-month stay in Washington, D.C., working as an intern with Utah’s top-ranking lawmaker (no need to drop names, right? Oh, by the way, I met Alec Baldwin there). As I meticulously unloaded the precious cargo I had hoarded throughout my stay, a stack of unopened envelopes on the far corner of my desk caught my eye. My parents had been keeping my mail!
Many envelopes ended up in the recycling bin — offers from credit card companies and other obtuse mail pieces (apparently I have bucketfuls of unsightly back hair that needs removal for a very low price). Now turning to my golden envelopes, the envelopes worth my attention, I couldn’t help but notice I had received no fewer than seven wedding invitations. Seven! I can easily count the number of friends I have on two hands, perhaps on one. How could seven people I knew be getting married, with the receptions occurring all within a two-week window?
To my astonishment, with each passing week since, I have received additional announcements at a seemingly record-breaking rate. This is the summer of love and love is in the air; there is no doubt about it. Please, a standing ovation for John Paul Young.
Make no mistake, in no way am I anti-marriage. Actually, I am pro-marriage! Huzzah! Honestly, I am thrilled for each and every happy couple who ties the knot. Never before have I been inundated with so many Facebook event announcements entitled “HE LIKED IT SO HE PUT A RING ON IT!” Really, I love getting wedding announcements. In fact, I’ll even take pictures of the more charming announcements (please don’t think I’m a creeper), keeping in mind my future fiancee for whom I take these photographs.
Yet, while pro-marriage, I remain unmarried, a bachelor of sorts. And yet I decry, “What’s wrong with me?!?! I must be a monster!” But seriously, folks, what are the pros of married life? What are the cons? In a stupor, this is what I thought:
- A constant companion, a confidant
- Someone to take care of boo-boos
- Someone who can lighten the darkest days
- Insurance benefits (yay!)
- Tax deductions (you know it!)
- Teamwork to take on tough challenges
- Security, love and friendship
- Intimate relations (you know what I’m talking about, but I’ll leave this topic for parental supervision)
- Financial burdens and associated stress
- Coordination of two schedules
- Sacrifice (a necessary thing to make things work, no?)
- Less freedom
- Monogamy (just kidding!)
This is not an all-encompassing list. If there is something you’d like to add, please visit The Signpost‘s website and leave a message for me. Perhaps you will be the one to lead me to “the chosen one.” I have been on literally tens (not “tons,” mind you, tens) of blind dates. Many of these dates ended too quickly, to my discouragement, with a great many others in which I seemed to barely escape the clutches of their wide-ranging claws. In any case, you have your work cut out for you if you desire to help me in my search. What is it that I see in a wife? Check out my compatibility checklist at http://bit.ly/fiu0Tw.